Touchstone Tip for Living Well

This is intended to bring a smile to your face.

Today’s Touchstone Tip for Living Well, on pet care.

Our dog, a half-Beagle half-who knows mix (we think Golden Retriever) found looking pathetic at the Humane Society nine years ago, has a habit of slurping your hand as he walks by. He is an amiable dog who seems to think he is offering a sign of affection. I'm sure he'd be pleased if you licked his paw in return.
As he eats deer poop from the woods beside our house and otherwise puts his mouth in places I’d rather he didn’t, being slurped is an experience to be avoided. I’ve learned over the years that he gets a particular expression on his face just before slurping, and seeing him ambling closer with that look on his face, one can avoid being slurped. He’s a reasonably intelligent dog, and I’ve taken to ordering him not to lick, as well as pulling my hands up out of reach, because he is not a particularly obedient dog.

Now for today’s tip: If you have a dog like this, do not, when talking on the telephone to a solemn and dignified older person you do not know personally but with whom you have an amicable professional friendship, say to the dog, out of habit, in a loud, imperative, and indeed threatening voice, without removing the telephone's mouthpiece from its usual position near your mouth, “Lick me, you die!”

You may be surprised at how difficult this is to explain.

While I'm at it, another tip: if late one night you decide to go for a walk, and on the way down your front steps (we have ten of them) decide that it would be fun and a bit of a challenge not only to go down them two at a time but to jump up as high as you can each time, restrain yourself if you are also holding a leash at the end of which is a strong and very excited fifty-pound dog. For a split second you will have the feeling of flying, which is lovely, except that it's immediately succeeded by the feeling of crashing and the overwhelming feeling of stupidity.